My Practically Perfect Life

9 years and 1 day ago my life was flipped upside down. I’ll even throw out the word literally! I was in a car wreck. A pretty dang serious one.

Big Mamma was my truck. Man I miss that truck. She was a 1997 Chevy short wide with a 6 inch lift and 37 inch tires. I did so much work to that truck on my own. I dropped a new motor in it, changed the transmission and replaced the serpentine belt on it so many times I could do it with my eyes closed. She was black and a beauty. And everyone in town knew who I was. The blonde in the big black truck! And I was sure proud of that!

Back to the wreck. On August 20^th of 2010 my divorce from my ex husband was final. And then 4 days later I flipped my truck. Talk about hitting the bottom…or top in my case here. I was driving down a two lane highway and as I came around a turn my passenger side front tire went off of the newly paved road which was quite a bit taller than the ground beside it. So when I jerked the wheel to get back onto the road my truck flipped. Now I had never been in a wreck before. I mean a small fender bender when an old lady hit my front fender in college, but this was like, a holy crap I’m having a wreck moment. I actually remember the feeling and realization that I was in the air, upside down. And then the truck landed. On it’s roof. When the truck stopped skidding down through a fence it finally stopped less than a foot from a telephone pole. It stopped. My life, almost stopped. I just sat there, well actually, I just hung there. Upside down. I took my seatbelt off and as my body fell to the roof of my truck I realized that I had to get the hell out of there. My window broke during the crash which was great because there would have been no way for me to open the doors. I army crawled out of the truck and ran about 20 feet before I stopped and turned around.

The couple that owned the property that I crashed through were running towards me. They were outside and saw the whole thing. They called 911 and in less than 3 minutes the fire department was there and about 4 minutes later the ambulance. I stood out in the field with the couple and just stood there looking at my truck. My favorite possession, the thing I loved the most other than my family and friends. It was part of my identity. And now, it was dead. One of the fireman yelled out “where’s the body?!” I yelled back, “I’m right here!” They were completely shocked. They said they didn’t’ believe anyone could have survived that crash. I was given my cell phone that they recovered and called a good friend of mine that owned a wrecker service. He was actually not far and drove so fast to get there that it felt like 2 seconds. The EMT’s told me they had to check me out even though I insisted that I was fine. As I stepped into the ambulance and sat down every one of the EMT’s kept commenting on how they could not believe I was alive, much less walking around. My blood pressure was a little elevated but I suppose it would be weird if it hadn’t been! Other than that I told them my pinky finger hurt! They laughed and told me to take it easy and to thank God that I was alive!!

The thing I was most grateful for through this whole thing was that my kids weren’t with me. I couldn’t even process exactly what was happening because I could only think about them. That night they slept in my bed and got more hugs and kisses than they probably wanted. But I could not let them go. I was so close to them not having me anymore. And they sure didn’t deserve to lose their mom.

The next day the boys went to school, and I took the day off of work. I sat at home trying to figure out what would have happened if I had done anything different. And then I questioned why this happened to me, or why did I survive this. What was my purpose. I had a pretty hard life for a while and got out of it, and then this happened. I was listening to music which I did often, and still do. And as I stood in my kitchen the song The River by Garth Brooks came on. Now I love Garth Brooks and have always loved this song. But as I’ve come to realize lately “Where your focus goes, energy flows”. The words never pertained to my life therefore I never heard them the way they were written. They hit me, hard. I fell to my knees crying, and I prayed. I prayed that God would use this to help me change my life. To show me what I needed to do to make my life the one He intended in me having. If you don’t know this song please listen to it.

“You know a dream is like a river

Ever changing as it flows

And a dreamer’s just a vessel

That must follow where it goes

Trying to learn from what’s behind you

And never knowing what’s in store

Makes each day a constant battle

Just to stay between the shores”

I decided that day, that minute, that I would live my life knowing that I am a vessel that will sail through this life and even though there would be hard times, there were always good times ahead. There is no way of telling what lies ahead. We aren’t fortune tellers and those that say they are are just making money off of your ignorance. The only one that knows what our future holds is God. Because He is the one that wrote our story. We are just living it out, hopefully well enough to make Him proud. I don’t always make the best decisions, and I will admit that I sin daily. But if I can lay my head down at night as I talk to God and know that I tried my best, then I can be proud of myself.

Never give up, even when it doesn’t seem like there is anywhere to go. Even if you feel like you are drowning, have faith that you will be rescued. Because regardless of who you are or what you’ve done, if you are willing to live your life with the best intentions, then you will not be let down. Find a song, or quote, or poem or whatever that you can think of or listen to that will show you the way you need to go in life. Because even the smartest people need directions.