My Practically Perfect Life

I’ll start with a story.

Once a young man was asked by someone to hold a glass of water out in front of him. The young man did this with ease, as the glass was very lightweight. After 15 minutes though the glass began to shake. And within another 10 minutes, the glass fell to the ground shattering. You see, it wasn’t the weight of the glass that was difficult but the amount of time he had to hold it. The glass of water in this case is a metaphor for a burden. When you hold on to a burden, at first it doesn’t seem so bad. You have your reasons for holding onto it. To protect others, trying to protect yourself. But just like with anything else, the longer you hold on to something the more difficult it becomes.

Yes. I will admit that I am a self-proclaimed holder onto..er. New word, just go with it! I have spent my life holding things inside. I suppose that I always thought that by keeping things to myself, I was protecting those around me. I’m tough, so I can handle the burden without letting others suffer. The thing is that, well, that is stupid! Not the wanting others not to suffer part, but throwing myself on a grenade part. I mean yes, there are circumstances that I would absolutely throw myself in front of a bus to save those I love. But something that I have been working on lately is not letting myself agonize over things just because I don’t want someone’s feelings to get hurt.

I have always been one to just shrug things off. Maybe that’s why my shoulders always hurt! Ha! I am a very trusting person, therefore I am also very quick to forgive people. In fact I am ridiculously bad at giving people too many chances. But lately, I have been a lot better about expressing my thoughts and feelings when I have them. Sometimes it’s a simple “hey, not cool” and sometimes it’s a lot more. When it is a lot I call that “snaggletoothing”. (Story for another day)! It is hard not to feel bad when I do stand up for myself, but I am working on that. Working on not substituting the lack of burden by filling it with guilt. I mean come on! That’s like knowing you will lose a pound and eating a cake to make up for it!

The hard part of all of this, learning to stand up for myself, is that I don’t want people to think of me as mean. I still want people to know that I am here to help in any way I can. That I will in fact always lend a hand when I am able. But, I refuse to be a doormat. I can no longer pour from an empty glass. If that means that I have to hide away for a bit to recuperate then so be it. Because how can you light up someone’s life if you’re burning your candle at both ends? I mean…you can I guess…but it won’t last very long!!

Ok, I am metaphored out!! My point is: Take care of others because you can and want to, but take care of yourself because you have to!

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good” -John Steinbeck

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it” – M. Scott Peck

“As you grow older you will realize you have two hands. One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others” – Maya Angelou