My Practically Perfect Life

Why did I even start a blog? To share ideas or experiences about different things? To be able to vent into my writing? To try and embrace my creativity? Hell if I know. I just thought I might have something to say that someone wouldn’t hate reading. And even if my words only reach a handful of people then I guess it wasn’t a total waste of time.

Most of the time I sit down to write it’s about something going on in my life. Something I just can’t stop going over in my head so I decide to put it here. Today I kept opening the folder, feeling that I have something to say and just staring at the screen. Like, I know I have a lot of things I could talk about. But it’s not spilling out of me like it usually does. I just have the urge to write. So instead of going on about one thing that I’m thinking, I will open up the ultra scary caves of my brain and tell you all of what I’m thinking. At once.

To start, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Like…duh! Even though I am almost 40 and have never had anyone suggest it. Other than my husband who sees first hand the ramblings of my inner thoughts.

I need to go to the pharmacy on my way home, seriously not a big deal. I haven’t even gotten to the point of standing up to leave and I don’t want to stop once I get in my truck to head home. If procrastinating ever got me a prize I would ask someone to mail it to me so I didn’t have to make the effort to go get it. I can’t decide if it’s the driving to the pharmacy or talking to other humans that has me not wanting to go but either way I know I will have to force myself.

My son takes the SAT in the morning. All I can think about is do I want to wash my hair tonight so I don’t have to wake up as early or just sleep a little longer and wear a messy bun again? I am trying to convince myself that I will wash my hair but in reality I know the only “washing” that will happen will be me taking a hot bath later while watching the new renovation show on Discovery Plus that I started.

Does anyone else watch TV while taking baths? If not I don’t know how it’s not more normal. It’s way better than trying to read in the bathtub. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve dropped in the water over the years. But in the past 5 or so years I have only dropped one remote in the tub!!

Why is there no Pizza Hut in town anymore? I would totally stop and get that on the way home…

I wish our brains worked like smart phones, and I could store memories in different folders.

Did I switch the laundry? No…I’m betting I didn’t.

I started and deleted 12 sentences that I decided not to type. And that might be 37% of the things that run through my brain on a regular basis. Would I shut these thoughts off if I could? Some days. But I don’t know what I would do with silence in my head. It’s crazy to think that the way my mind works isn’t “normal”, kind of like feeling different pain or being depressed even though you aren’t sad. Life is weird, bodies are weirder and the brain…well I think we all know there are no normal brains. I guess writing gibberish isn’t so bad. My apologies though if you thought this would be profound.

“My ADHD makes it really hard to focus and focus sounds like hocus pocus and I really like magic a whole lot. Abracadabra”